Important advice on dealing with anger constructivelyAnger, rage hatred, long term grudges and resentments can make a hell for us. They poison our relationships, harm our careers, and give us no peace. We feel the urge to lash out at the person who has made us angry. Frequently that person happens to be important for us and our well-being – such as a boss or our parents and we dare not take it out on them. So we lash out at others who have done nothing to harm us. In this way we spread misery and pain in the world. Some of us have suffered from a bad upbringing and have a wounded child inside of us as a result. This colors our whole outlook to life and our relationships. We need to deal with his pain and reverse this life long habit. We see the harmful effect of this feeling in our lives and make a vow to not feel angry again or to suppress the anger. This only creates more conflicts and divisions within us. Nothing is gained by trying to not feel angry. It is a part of us. We would not try to chop our head off it we had a headache. We would give it all the necessary care and attention to cure the problem. We need to take a similar attitude towards our feelings. These are energies within us that need to be reclaimed and transformed. The concepts of Impermanence and No-self can also help us to deal with our anger but only if you have taken up the meditation practices suggested earlier in this book. If we get an understanding of impermanence, that this feeling is not our self, that it is just a feeling that will pass in time, then is becomes easier to dis-identify with our feelings and witness it mindfully, neither expressing nor suppressing it. But this understanding of Impermanence and No-self comes only after a number of months of practicing either Vipassana or Paul Brunton’s meditation technique. I urge you to take up either one of these practices. You cannot make the insights of this book a part of your life simply by reading it once. You need to study it, think over the implications and take up mediation practice, which will make the act of witnessing habitual to you. The following are some important tools and insights that will help us to transform our feelings of rage and hatred. 1) Mindfulness - Mindfulness is a method made popular by the Vietnamese Zen Buddhist Master – Thich Nhat Hanh. We can use this method you deal with our hatred as it arises. The important part of this technique is that it neither suppresses nor expresses our anger. Thich Nhat Hanh compares the energy of anger with organic manure or compost. An organic farmer uses manure to grow flowers or vegetables. Similarly we can reclaim and use the energy of anger to benefit ourselves. The technique of mindfulness is simplicity itself. We use the breath to anchor ourselves and simply become aware of or witness or be mindful of our hatred. When you are angry do the following: a) Breathing in say to your self – I am breathing in and I am angry. b) Breathing Out – I am breathing out and I smile at my anger. It is not to be expected that simply doing this exercise once will free us of our hatred. We need to drop everything else and practice this exercise for as long as is necessary. Thich Nhat Hanh compares this process to cooking vegetables or potatoes. It takes time for potatoes to cook. We need to cook them for 10 to 15 minutes maybe more. Similarly we need to practice mindfulness for some period of time before we can be free of anger. Another way of dealing with our hatred is simply to observe it without reacting. This is a technique is taught in Vipassana meditation. Anchor yourself in the act of witnessing by paying attention to your breath and observe your anger. Do not think or react in any way. Simply observe. If you react then observe the reaction with reacting. Vipassana also teaches us to observe the sensations in the body when you are angry or disturbed. When we are angry our breathing changes, the metabolism of the body reacts. We may feel our forehead becomes heated up. This technique however required that you be a somewhat experienced Vipassana meditator as it requires an awareness of the sensations in the body. For beginners or non-meditators, Thich Nhat Hanh works best. It is important to be one with the feeling using the breath to anchor yourself. The angry feeling will pass in time. DO NOT THINK OR ANALYSE IT IN ANY WAY. Simply be at one with your anger. It is important that we not think while we are also angry because the process of thinking will just feed our anger. Just be at one with the angry feeling. Also our thoughts and conclusions when we are feeling hurt and angry are not likely to be completely balanced and rational. If you do think when you are angry then do not trust these thoughts and conclusions and do not act on them. This concludes the section on mindfulness. Practice being mindful so that it becomes a habit. It will then be easy for you to fall back on it when you are angry and disturbed. This technique of mindfulness or witnessing is the basis of all the practice and concepts explained further. I cannot over emphasize its importance and the difference it will make in your life. Please go to the next page for further methods to constructively deal with anger. On to the next chapter on Anger - three ways it manifests itself and how we can deal with it:
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Anger
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