If you are doing meditation and I hope you are – you will face frustration from time to time because you will think that you are unable to focus well.
I am doing Vipassana meditation and in this form of meditation we are told to develop concentration through awareness of the Breath (Anapanasati) and then move on to Vipassana proper (insight meditation).
Vipassana – as taught by S.N. Goenka – is based on the Thevavada Buddhist tradition. This form of Buddhism stresses self-effort as a means to enlightenment. In Vipassana also we are exhorted to strong efforts in order to progress in our practice.
But this contains a contradiction. It is as if an arrow was trying to pierce itself or the eye was trying to see itself.
Basically the problem is this. Through Vipassana meditation practice we are trying to dissolve the ego.
But is it possible for the ego by making efforts of any sort – is it possible for the ego to do away with itself?
Logically every purposeful action the ego takes will only strengthen the ego. Logically it should be impossible to grow spiritually (that is dissolve the ego) through any form of purposeful activity – be it meditation or anything else.
And yet I have benefited through my meditation practice. Some people have told me that I look younger. This may also be because I quit smoking some months back but I think the main reason is that I am doing Vipassana regularly now for some months.
So how is it possible to benefit through meditation? The trick is simply to do what you can and be indifferent as to results. Be indifferent to whether you are benefiting or not, making progress or not. As the Nike ad says, “Just do it.”
Taking the problem or challenge I mentioned earlier – of our not being able to concentrate, to maintain awareness of the breath for more than a few seconds at a time. Earlier I would worry about it and set frustrated. I would think that I am not making progress even after many months of meditation practice. I would conclude that I am unable to concentrate. I would want to change on transform myself and thus create problems for myself.
Yet concentration is simple. I do it all the time. I am holding this pen and writing right now and I am concentrating without effort.
If I can concentrate while writing with a pen then why cannot I concentrate while doing Anapanasati (Awareness of the Breath)?
The answer is that I can do that too. Every time I become aware that I am distracted and bring my attention back to the breath, that moment I am concentrating.
And it really does mot matter whether that period of concentration on the breath lasts 2 seconds or 2 hours. I have become aware of being distracted and brought my attention back to the breath. That is all I need to do. That is concentration. That is a moment of freedom from the ego and its problems.
But you will ask, “what can I do to change myself so that I am able to concentrate for 2 hours without being distracted. This is what I want to achieve.”
I will answer that this wanting, this ambition is the problem. This desire to measure results is the problem. Our wanting to make progress, our setting targets for ourselves is the problem. This is the ego at work – sliding in through the back door. And growing spiritually means becoming more and more free of the ego. Meditation is to a just a tool to move towards that state.
What we need to do to make progress through meditation is to not take these antics of the ego seriously. Just dis-identify. Observe without reacting. Do not set targets for yourself, do not measure your progress. These acts are not concentration. They are the purposeful ego at work.
Do not analyze how well you are concentrating or time yourself. These acts are not acts of concentration but the ego up to its tricks again.
If you want to concentrate in your meditation practice, then just concentrate. Be aware of yourself being distracted and being yourself back to the breath. Observe without reacting.
You will become distracted again – that is inevitable. Become aware of that distracted state of mind and bring yourself back to the breath. It really does not matter if your distracted state of mind lasted 45 seconds or 45 minutes. Likewise it makes no difference if you stay focused for 45 seconds or 45 minutes.
Such measurements, such goals are just the ego at work. Do not be fooled. Do not take this seriously.
The problem with the Theravada Buddhist tradition of which Vipassana is a part – is that it overemphasizes self effort.
The Mahayana Buddhist tradition, or the Zen Buddhist tradition or for that matter Hinduism are more mature philosophies.
The basic problem is that the ego trying to dissolve itself through self-effort is like a needle trying to prick itself or the ego trying to see itself. It simply cannot be done.
Something more than just self-effort is required to grow spiritually. And as far as I know Theravada Buddhist tradition does not stress this adequately enough.
It is a said in the Bible, “Lord let your will and not mine be done.” Something of this attitude of surrender is required to grow spiritually through our meditation practice.
Related posts:
