This is the first article in a series by Kamakshi Subramaniam.

“Truth is a pathless land, and you cannot approach it by any path whatsoever, by any religion, by any sect. Truth, being limitless, unconditioned, unapproachable by any path whatsoever, cannot be organized; nor should any organization be formed to lead or to coerce people along any particular path.” J. Krishnamoorthy (writer and speaker of philosophy and spirituality).

This set of ideological views was originally developed in India, but in general the term “Eastern Philosophy” is broadly applicable to the metaphysical reasoning that originated from the Asian subcontinent namely ancient India and China. India (which in those days spanned the entire geographical region around the river Indus and its tributaries and included the Indian subcontinent, Tibet, Afghanistan, Mongolia, Burma, and Pakistan) was the fountainhead of all the eastern philosophical schools of thought and religions such as Hinduism, Buddhism, Jainism, and Sikhism. Sanatana Dharma was the core dogma from which the other philosophical notions were derived. In essence the inception of the eastern transcendental doctrines can be traced back to Sanatana Dharma what is currently defined as Hinduism.

Please note that I use the term “religion” to describe Hinduism very loosely, firstly to use a familiar term, and secondly to broadly designate the way of life of a particular sect of people rather than the communal system for the coherence of belief. Hinduism is not a religion in a traditional sense as we understand that expression and nowhere in the ancient scriptures is there a definition for the term “Hinduism”. It was the name ascribed to the followers of Sanatana Dharma by western scholarship. So it is by no means a religion but the Dharma can be comprehensively classified as a way of life, or the rules governing the right way to lead a virtuous life.

The term religion can be very broadly interpreted as “A cause, principle, or activity pursued with zeal or conscientious devotion” (“Religion | Define Religion at Dictionary.com.” Dictionary.com | Find the Meanings and Definitions of Words at Dictionary.com. Web. 13 Jan. 2011. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/religion). In this sense yes perhaps Santana Dharma can be classified as a religion. But in a traditional sense religion typically means “any formal institutionalized expression of belief”. From this perspective Sanatana Dharma is not comparable to other western religions such as Islam or Christianity or even the eastern religions for several reasons.

First of all the Dharma is not really a formally institutionalized faith and comprises of multiple creeds and sects but all the diverse creeds and sects share one ultimate truth and many moral and ethical values that form the base upon which the notions of all the various beliefs are built. The proceeding sections will expound on this in detail. Secondly, it has no central figures of authority. And then there are no specific set of institutionalized theological systems for every individual to unreflectively and incontrovertibly follow in order to seek the absolute. I refer to the term unreflectively to emphasize the will of an individual to blindly adhere to the rigid dogmas prescribed in the authoritative texts without an introspective mind. In fact introspection is an important aspect of the spiritual evolution process. Additionally, there are no central religious organizations that govern the overall moral and ethical standards. And also there was no prophet or a founder. There were many holy revered saints who have revived and dispersed the values of the faith, but none of them are designated as the founding father. Nor are there are any dogmatic assertions of salvation by one specific methodology in fact this school of thought stresses the fact that there are multiple paths that could potentially lead towards the same destination and each individual has been given the absolute right to choose his or her own route towards the absolute. Thus all religions according to this Dharma are paths to the same God and all devotees no matter what religion or denominations they belong to, are considered to be travelers on the path to the Ultimate Truth.

There are no undue restraints on the philosophical thought process and human reasoning either. From this standpoint, this philosophical system provides the complete freedom for every individual to contemplate, worship, reflect, and investigate upon the various paths that exists towards salvation. It also provides the option to freely choose and practice the values and beliefs that best suits his or her personality. Finally the belief system also emphasizes the need to adhere to one’s own natural course to attain salvation as opposed to the conventional rules and regulations set forth by formal channels. This is because coercion or rigid adherence to a particular doctrine does not necessarily imply salvation. Unless and until the individual’s mind is tuned to these beliefs which he or she accepts wholeheartedly and believes in them with absolute faith how can the soul be redeemed? Salvation is then described as a natural phenomenon that will occur only when the individual’s mind is tuned to such beliefs which in turn is dependent upon what is termed as the inherent or the predominant ‘Guna’ of an individual. The meaning of the term Guna or “Tri Guna” (three Gunas) will be described later. For now I will adhere to the general meaning of this terminology which would roughly translate to the typical characteristic of the mind that influences the thought process and the natural tendencies and predisposition of every individual. It is due to the effect and the influence of the gunas that the urge to seek the infinite cannot be coerced. It must develop spontaneously and evolve naturally.

Vedanta- the summation of the philosophy enunciated in the Vedas, stresses the fact that only when the mind is completely stabilized through constant penance and the Tri gunas are completely in equilibrium is the individual ready to seek the path towards higher goals and ideals. So therefore the Tri guna plays a vital role in Hindu philosophy.

The Upanishads also known as Vedanta (or the essence of vedas) are the interpretations of the vedas. Veda in Sankrit means wisdom or knowledge. The vedas are the oldest texts known to mankind which are primarily a collection of metric hymns and celebration formulas and all the philosophical details necessary for leading a spiritual life in order to attain salvation. There are 4 vedas namely Rig veda, Yajur veda, Sama veda, and Atharvana veda. The origins of the vedas are not known and cannot be accurately determined. Historians have only gone as far as providing ambiguous guesses. This is because even though it was first documented by a great Saint Veda Vyasa (whose date is also controversial and remains a mystery), the contents of the vedas were originally communicated from the guru to the disciple in form of ‘Sruthi’ (sound) centuries before Vyasa could document the words in a textual format.

In essence, vedas are an aggregate of sacred corpuses and collectively regulate the basic spiritual practices of Santana Dharma. The interpretation or the speculation of the essence of the Vedas forms a branch of philosophy termed as Vedanta. All forms are vedantas are primarily derived from the Upanishads which are commentaries of the Vedas.

The next few series will lay down the foundation of the tenets of this Dharma at length. This discussion will be restricted to a brief overview of the historical roots of this school of thought and an introduction to the term Sanatana Dharma as this buzzword is far more complicated than what it appears to be at a superficial glance.

Following is an introduction to a series of guest articles by Kamakshi Subramaniam.

The World Wide Web is replete with huge corpuses of religions texts and philosophical discussions. It is essentially the treasure chest of pertinent information. Information of any kind good or bad is definitely not scarce in the current era. While perusing through some pertinent online documents in philosophy I have noticed that even though the internet is overloaded with ample information, it is generally scattered all over the medium and it is difficult to find all the salient axioms related to one particular topic in any specified location. This is my humble and an earnest attempt to surmise the salient axioms and most noteworthy doctrines of Santana Dharma and Avaita Vedanta into one single repository.

I have also tried my stint at enumerating some of the convoluted tenets of this school of thought into simple terms. This by no means was an easy task. It has taken more than two years for me to completely grasp some of the pertinent facts of this school of thought and I do hope that my effort was at least partially successful.

The knowledge of the eternal is endless and I know that these articles barely scratch the surface. I urge all the readers to augment this repository either with your own words of wisdom or you can feel free to forward any questions regarding these topics, If the readers feel that there are any important sections that deserve an extended explanation that I have failed to provide or if there any pertinent concepts that have inadvertently overlooked please take the liberty to comment. I am more than willing to extend my library.

Thank you,

Kamakshi Subramaniam

Introduction To Sanatana Dharma – Part 1

Relationships should not be a problem to you at all if you really take the message of eastern philosophy to heart and change the way you look at the world and at yourself. If you can govern your responses and reaction, understand yourself – through mindfulness of feelings – and be whole, then all your relationships will change for the better.

If we need to manipulate others and play games then we will attract those people into our lives who will manipulate us in return. The way to attracting the right man or woman in our lives is to be able to respect ourselves and others.

Applying these lessons to your life will help you to:

i) Lose your inhibitions and gain social skills. This will attract the right man or woman into your life.

ii) Be happy and self-sufficient. When you can live independently and do not need to exploit others to fulfill your needs when you will attract similar people into your life.

The Art of War by Sun Tzu is a classic work on military warfare and strategy. You may find it useful for your relationships also it you have to deal with a difficult person such as an unruly son or daughter. But two sentences in The Art of War capture the essence of what is required to keep them going. They are:

“Humanity and Justice are the principles on which to govern a state.”

“The true object of war is peace.”

You may need to discipline your son and be harsh with him sometimes. When you are at war you may need to be unjust. But remember that the object of war is peace. The difficult phase will pass and you will want to make peace with your son (or daughter or wife).

So be skillful and restrained when you are exercising your power and using force. The best way to governing relationships or a family is not to be at war but to use Humanity and Justice.

These practices will enable you to govern yourself and your passions and you will be sufficiently detached from the needs of the ego to be able to practice Humanity and Justice. It is a simple enough maxim but very rarely practiced. This is why there are so many disputes both within the family and outside in the world.

Another key lesson in managing them is contained in the following sentence in The Art of War:

“If you know the enemy and know yourself you need not fear the results of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy then for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.”

It is important to objectively understand both yourself and the other person. Ideally we should do this before starting a relationship so that we will be able to choose our partner (be it in life or business). An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

Read The Art of War and remember these three important lessons. This will enable you to choose your relationships wisely as well as govern them in a way that benefits both of you.

Ending A Bad Relationship

This may be painful and traumatic but it is something that you can do when you are independent and not needy and can care for yourself and your feelings and your needs.

If you are financially dependent on an abusive partner and are used to a certain lifestyle then it may be difficult to let go. This is why it is important for both partners to earn and be financially independent. It is a crucial way to safeguard yourself otherwise you may be stuck in an abusive relationship with no way of ending it.

Standing Up For Your Rights

It is important to beep communication going in any relationship. If you do not communicate, then the best thing that can happen to you is if the relationship ends. Keeping a relationship going without communication is to have it develop infection and become poisonous. If it is a close relationship within the family, it will take over your whole life and ruin your happiness. I am speaking from experience.

Thich Nhat Hanh – in his book – Anger – Buddhist wisdom for cooling the flames – gives some important advice on communication within relationships.

In the book, Thich Nhat Hanh imparts the following advice:

1. Write a letter. If you are not in the habit of communication with your partner then this may be the way to break the ice. Also if you are shy and nervous around your partner. Really take your time over the letter. This may be more important to your happiness than writing your thesis for a PhD.

2. Use matter of fact language, without judging or condemning. Describe your feelings and thoughts instead of expressing your opinions or judgments. Simply describe.

For more on the important subject of communication in relationships please read Thich Nhat Hanh on Anger.

I was very much lacking in poise and self confidence when I was young. Partly because of my upbringing, no doubt, I had a lot of negative feelings about myself and indulged in a lot of destructive self-talk.

My situation is I think similar to many people on this planet although I was a particularly bad case in that I lacked poise. However most people lack confidence, frequently they do not feel good about themselves and they judge themselves harshly and have many opinions about themselves, which limit their growth and potential.

Jack Kornfield wrote in one of his books that we judge ourselves so harshly that only a dictator like Hitler or Stalin would appoint us to preside in their courts. This was certainly true of me and may be applicable to you as well. This is what destroys poise and self confidence.

But now, due to my meditation and reading and thinking I am coming out of this prison. I still feel bad about myself and the negative self talk in my head continues but I no longer take these feelings and opinions seriously. I am gaining in confidence and poise and I am secure in the knowledge that I know how to deal with my internal thoughts and feelings that have pulled me down for so long.

And how did I do it? How am I doing it right now on a moment to moment basis? It is a combination of the following:

1) Insight about my own nature and nature of the world.

2) A method of practice, which will soon grow on you and become habitual

First the insight or world view -

Insight

All of us know that we will die one day. It is not anything that we did not know when we were 10 years old. But the fact of our death is not real to us. We do not feel this fact in our bones. We have not thought over what this means to us, and what changes in our lives are dictated by this simple fact of death and impermanence.

When we contemplate and think and read this one concept is enough to change our entire outlook to life. It is like we have finally de-hypnotized ourselves and are now building our lives on a solid foundation instead of the sand of our desires and ambitions. Having a solid foundation in your life results in gaining poise and self confidence.

Much of the insights that have changed my life and made me more confident were discussed in the opening chapter. I will briefly list them here. They are:

1) This too will pass – the fact of impermanence. Everything in life is both impermanent and unsatisfactory. There is nothing that will give us lasting and permanent happiness except enlightenment or Nirvana or a union with God.

2) Death – we will die one day and the bodies that we cherish and care for and the mind to which we give so much importance will cease to benefit us in any way. Same is true of our possessions, our reputation, our relationships and our achievements

3) You are not the body or the mind – This is a Hindu concept. Sankara – the great Indian philosopher and mystic – of the 8th century thought this as one of the main methods of attaining God. The method is to use discrimination and perceive that we are not the body or the mind. We are something else. Sankara has explained his method and his philosophy in detail in the book Vivekachoodamani available at Amazon.

The main benefit of this insight from the point of view of attaining poise and self confidence is that we will find it much easier to dis-identity from all our negative self talk and feelings. We will up longer take them seriously and we will be free of them and be able to witness them without reacting and transform them. The way I am advocating to gaining poise and self confidence is that of witnessing.

4) All is the Tao – Everything – both inside and outside of you – is the Tao. Everything is a manifestation of God. There is nothing that we like that is not the Tao and also there is nothing that we dislike that is not the Tao. It makes sense to take our likes and dislike our needs wants and desires less seriously especially when we consider that even if we achieve our desires it will not result in lasting or permanent happiness. This leads to a feeling of detachment that aids poise and self confidence.

5) Osho Rajneesh says that as far as the body or mind or ego is concerned there will always be something that we can choose to be miserable about. We can never be the most handsome or the beautiful or the most intelligent person in the world. Someone is there who is better than us.

We may be intelligent but be in bad health or we may be young and healthy and strong but without intellect. We may be rich but without friends. We may have lots of friends but have no time for books and meditation. Thus it is that we recognise ourselves objectively and thus gain poise and self confidence.

Ralph Waldo Emerson said “ Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that way I learn from him.” If this sentiment was true of Emerson then it is certainly true of us.

So accept yourself as you are with all your good points and bad points. There is no end to the desires of the ego. Making these above insights a part of your thinking and your life will gradually free you from the clutches of the ego and you will experience a feeling of release and peace. This is the way to poise and self confidence.

State of Mind

The resulting state of mind if you take these insights seriously is a feeling of release and of peace (and poise and self confidence). Alan Watts, in one of his books, speaks of the peaceful state of mind that arises in people who are nearing death.

Personally the feeling of release arises in me sometimes but not with any great intensity. I suppose it is because I am not yet in an advanced state in my practice. But it is a great relief for me to feel and to know that I do not HAVE TO behave in a certain manner, or think in a certain or achieve any particular result however desirable. It is all going to come to nothing in the end, the fretful ego is going to be extinguished so why take it so seriously.

Alan Watts also speaks of a state of mind where there is nothing to hope for nothing to strive for, nothing to fear or to avoid, there is simply nothing to do but to be in the HERE AND NOW and with and live life mindfully.

This is, I think, one of the most meaningful sentences that I have ever read. Practicing these insights should lead to such a state of mind and I think that we would have all the poise and confidence that we need if we make this a habitual state of mind.

The Method

But how can we attain such a state of mind ( of poise and self confidence)? How do we make it habitual?

I myself am a student like you and am working my way towards it. But I think I am making some progress and I would like to tell you how:

1) Impermanence – For making the concept of death and impermanence real to you, nothing beats meditation. The main focus of meditation practice is to have you experience the changing nature of sensations. You will get into the habit of noting the changing nature of thoughts, moods and feelings as well.

Once you feel the impermanence nature of things in your bones it changes the entire outlook to life. I am speaking from experience. You will no longer take the fretful ego and its needs and insecurities and demands that seriously. This will help you dis-identify and witness and be free of all the mental habits that rob you of your confidence.

2) Paul Brunton’s meditation technique.  Should you practice this meditation you will soon be convinced through a process of analytical reasoning that in fact you are not the body or the mind or the feelings or the intellect or the ego. Once this conviction arises in you will find yourself naturally not taking the mind or the mental habits that rob you of poise and self confidence seriously.

This analytical phase is only the first step of the entire meditation technique and Paul Brunton describes how we can experience the Overself – that which we really are. This is a technique that he learned from Ramana Maharshi, one of the most venerated sages of modern India.

The two books I spoke of earlier are considered classics in spirituality and many people have benefited by following Paul Brunton’s instructions and doing the meditation. This is a classic work on achieving serenity of mind and will lead to poise and self confidence.

This method can be learned without formal instruction from a Master – straight from the book. Also it requires only a few minutes of daily meditation practice.

3) The habit of witnessing, or observing. I have described two meditation techniques that I have tried out and found beneficial. However any meditation practice is useful as it will get us into the habit of witnessing the mind without identifying with it.

That is all we need to do to develop poise and confidence. Witness, or observe, the mind and your negative mental habits without identifying with them or taking them seriously. Observe the mind with indifference. Any meditation practice should help you to do this and you are free to follow any method that appeals to you.

4) Reading and thinking.  If you are interested in reading more about eastern philosophy, I can recommend many books to you that I have found useful. But it is important that you think as well as read. Only contemplation on these insights and truths can transform your outlook. Please refer bibliography at the end of this ecourse.

Benefits

All of us like freedom. All of us want more poise and self confidence. It will help us to:

i) Be free from the false opinions and judgments that we hold about ourselves.

ii) Be more at peace with ourselves.

iii) Be more poised and confident socially.

iv) Be ourselves without needing to play games and manipulate others.  We will transform our relationships and attract similar independent and happy people into our lives.

v) Work better. People will find it easier to get along with us at the workplace or office. This will help our career.

vi) Improve our family relationships. Be prepared to see some dramatic changes.

In short, changing your outlook in the way I have described will impact all areas of your life including the most important. Be prepared to see a lasting transformation in all areas of your life for the better. This is how I myself gained in poise and self confidence and I recommend the same to you.

The death of a loved one is a deeply painful incident for families. This is even more true when the death is sudden and unexpected; caused by suicide or an accident. We are left to deal with our feelings of loss and grief and we do not quite know how to cope with them.

In the modern, westernized culture we may find that people around us are just as unskillful and may not know how to console us and help us to let go.

Grief can be so intense that we wonder how we can continue to live, how we can continue to function. I read a story from a book Wisdom of the East by Susan Suntree. One of the contributors talks about her experience when her first born son died in an accident. She said her grief was similar to having a red hot iron ball in her mouth. She could not spit it out, she could not swallow it, and this continued for years and years.

So our first task when we are bereaved is to accept our grief and not evade it and also to be patient with ourselves as it may take a long time for the grief and pain to pass. And yet we must face it, however painful it is. Evading our grief is not the way out. We must face it.

Judy Tatelbaum says :

“Grief is a wound that needs attention in order to heal. To work through and complete grief means to face our feelings openly and honestly, to express and release our feelings fully, and to tolerate and accept our feelings for however long it takes for the wound to heal. We fear that once acknowledged grief will bowl us over. The truth is that grief experienced does dissolve. Grief unexpressed is grief that lasts indefinitely.”

Certain practices are mentioned in the Tibetan Book on Living and Dying by Sogyal Rinpoche help us to dissolve our grief.

Rinpoche mentions that one of the reason we feel utterly wretched is that we feel that those is nothing that we can do to help our departed loved one. This is simply not true. There are many practices in the Tibetan Buddhist tradition to help the departed loved one even after his passing.

These practices help dissolve the negative karma of the deceased and help them get a favorable rebirth. But it is important that the deceased should have shared these convictions also. If you belong to a different faith you can consult a priest or monk for ceremonies, prayers and rituals that will help the departed soul.

Every faith contains these practices and you will also feels better that you have tried your best to help the departed loved one on his final journey.

Grief can linger for years as I said earlier in cases of a very bad and unexpected loss. It comes and goes in cycles – you may feel fine in certain times and a few weeks or months later you may again feel wretched. It is important to be patient with yourself and accept this as normal.

You may find that people do not have much sympathy for you if your grief is prolonged. Accept that too as normal. In our culture people know almost next to nothing about death and dying and this subject is deliberately brushed under the carpet. You cannot expect others to have much knowledge or skill to help you out.

In case of sudden death it is important for us to see the body first hand so that we are completely convinced that he or she has really died.

The Tibetan Book on Living and Dying mentions many practices that you can do to help you face, dissolve and let go of your grief. I will not explain these practices as I have not tried them out and have nothing to add to what has been written in the book. The author – Sogyal Rinpoche – says that those practices are extremely effective in helping you deal with your grief at the death of a loved one. Please refer chapter 19 of the book.

The Tibetan Book on Living and Dying by Sogyal Rinpoche is a modern classic and introduces the Tibetan Buddhist tradition in a way, which can be applied in our modern, westernized world. The chapter titled Heart Advice on Helping the Dying is itself worth 50 times the cost of the book.

A person at the time of his or her passing is in such a situation that he or she is leaving behind all that he has clung to and been familiar with all his life. Wealth, fame, prestige, family, friends, and power are all being left behind.

Rinpoche asks us to put ourselves in the place of the person who is dying. He asks us to imagine ourselves on an ocean liner or a journey to the unknown. You have no choice in the matter, the ship is already on its way out and our friends and family are on the shore to wish us goodbye.

What would we want from our friends who had come to see us off in that situation? Remember you can never come back and that you have no choice but to leave. With contemplation and compassion, we will be in a better position to help the person at the time of death.

Sogyal Rinpoche gives a lot of important advice.

1. At the time of death give the person room to express her feelings. Allow her to express any and all her feelings. The person will feel fear, panic, grief, and rage in different proportions. By allowing her to express those feelings, by empathizing with them we can offer immeasurable help.

2. Give the suffering person permission to die. Rinpoche speaks of persons whom he had met or heard of who were approaching death. But they were burdened by their responsibilities, by the fact that their family depended on them. Sogyal Rinpoche says that many dying persons refused to let go and suffered many weeks of suffering and agony. By giving such a person permission to die his family would make his passage much easier.

3. Establish trust and open communication; be yourself. Your job is to behave naturally and let the person open up. Use humor skillfully in such situations. This will establish better communication.

4. Do not interrupt, deny or diminish the person’s feelings. The person needs to feel and express his feelings. This is the way he can be free of them and meet his end peacefully.

5. Do not intrude your spiritual beliefs. Do not try to convert or impose your spiritual beliefs on the person. It will not help. On the other hand, if the person expresses a wish to learn about your beliefs, do not hold back.

6. The dying person may make you the target of his grief and rage. This is not unexpected. The person is in the deepest crisis of his life. Don’t take it personally if he takes out his feelings on you.

7. Do not expect too much of yourself. This is only so much that you can do. In the ultimate analysis people will die as they have lived. Do not expect miracles.

8. Technique to help you empathize – Rinpoche says that dying persons long to be touched, long to be treated as living persons and not as diseased. A great deal of consolation can be given to the very ill simply by touching their hands, looking into their eyes, gently massaging them, holding them in your arms or breathing in the same rhythm gently with them.

Rinpoche also describes two techniques for feeling and expressing unconditional love towards the dying. Very often, due to past issues and sufferings, we may have feelings of guilt and anger towards the dying. Rinpoche says that if you try to put yourself in the place of the dying person you will have a better idea of what the person needs and feels. You will then be in a position to accept the dying person unconditionally.

Most of us do not think much about death.  If we do, we wish for an easy and quick and painless death.  As we grow older, our thoughts turn more and more to death and dying.

Much of the terror that diseases like cancer and AIDS inspire is caused not by the fact that we die in the end. After all, all of us must die one day. The terror is caused by the manner of our passing if we contract these dreaded diseases. Our death will be slow, painful and terror stricken.

I vividly remember my grandmother dying. She contracted lung cancer in her late 80s. Towards the end she was unable to breathe. I vividly remember her gasping for breath as she lay on her deathbed.

But the most vividly impression I have of her passing was the terror that she faced as she lay dying. It had an almost physical presence. I was too young and immature then to be able to help in any way.

My grandmother had taken a keen interest in Hindu philosophy all her life and had even written a book on the Bhagavad Gita. None of this helped her however as she lay dying. Mindfulness of impermanence and death is primarily a Buddhist practice and Hindu philosophy does not stress on it very much.

This gives us some pointers for dealing with the fears of death. It will not help if we are well versed in philosophy. The only way we can prepare ourselves for an easy death by practicing contemplation of death when we are strong and healthy, by practicing mindfulness in our daily life and meditation.

For all of us will die as we have lived. Sorry to be blunt about it but this has to be said. When faced with death – the greatest and last crisis of our life – when we are faced with the final journey into the great unknown our minds will react purely out of habit. There is no time then to learn meditation practices and prepare ourselves.

That said I must also mention that the vast majority of deaths in the modern age are peaceful. We will have to face the fear and the terror at the time of our passing but we can reasonably expect to not be in any great physical pain or discomfort given what modern medicines can do.

There are some books and resources, which are insightful and inspiring and which can help you even in this trying time. If you are facing imminent death, or a life threatening illness or of you know of someone close to you in this position, the following books are resources that can help you on your journey:

1. Life after Life – by Raymond Moody

Raymond Moody is a doctor and a man of science and this is truly a ground-breaking book. It details the experiences of people who went through near death experiences (NDE) and who were later revived. Moody interviewed many people who had an NDE and all these experiences had many things in common.

All these experiences confirm that there is life after death. None of the experiences – after the body physically died – was in any way terrifying or unpleasant. This book can help us realize that there is indeed life after death and that though the experience of dying may be painful and unpleasant but that too is only a passing phase and something good awaits us after that.

2) The Power of Now – by Eckhart Tolle

This is a modern spiritual classic. Eckhart Tolle has had mystical experiences and this book reflects those insights. The book is primarily about bringing “present moment awareness” into our lives when we are healthy and strong. Many people facing death have immensely benefited from it.

Eckhart Tolle also unequivocally says that if you want an easy death you simply have to dis-identify from the mind and bring your entire being into the now. Ignore the mind and its fears about the past and the future, live in the now, live in mindfulness.

3) The Tibetan Book on Living and Dying – by Sogyal Rinpache

This book gives us a comprehensive view of the Tibetan way of looking at life and death and the process of dying. It has advice for each of these stages. This book has sold more than two million copies and is referred to by doctors and medical professionals in their care of terminally ill patients. It is more than just a book – it is a reference work.

It also has advice on helping the dying at the time of passing so if someone close to you is terminally ill you owe it to him or her to read this book.

4) The Heart of Understanding – by Thich Nhat Hanh

This short book of 54 pages is a commentary on he Prajnaparamita Sutra. This sutra is the essence of Buddhist teaching and recited daily in Mahayana temples and practice centers throughout the world. Its teaching on inter-being and emptiness, if contemplated upon, can help us see ourselves and the world in a completely different way.

We will then be able to see the universe in our selves and ourselves in the universe. Thich Nhat Hanh explains the sutra warmly and with clarity and compassion. He describes the Heart Sutra as “Avalokitesvara Bodhisattva’s precious gift to us, the gift of fearlessness.”

Contemplation on emptiness and inter-being will take us out of the habit of identifying ourselves with the body, mind, and the eyes and will make us feel at one with the universe.

5) No Death No Fear – by Thich Nhat Hanh

This book specifically tackles the subject of our passing. It explains emptiness, inter-being and impermanence and gives us new insights that are invaluable to the terminally ill. The book also contains the Buddhist practice of touching the Earth. This is a practice explained in detail by Thich Nhat Hanh- that will enable us to understand emptiness and inter-being more deeply. It will also enable us to face our fears about our passing. Highly recommended.

Buddhist monks are sent to meditate on death to a cemetery for many months on end when they are newly ordained.

What are the benefits of such a practice? It seems morbid and depressing. And it seems completely opposed to the modern culture in most countries that stresses youth, activity, sex, achievement and consumption.

But in the end all of us have to die. We meet death as we meet life – unprepared. I have read that life is similar to a school examination except that in life we get the test first and learn the lesson later.

Can this meditation help us to cope with unfairness in life? Can it help us to live as well as to die?

Thoughts On Death From The French Philosopher Montaigne

“There is no place on earth where death cannot find us – even if we constantly twist our heads about in all directions as in a dubious and suspect land … If there were any way of sheltering from death’s blows, I am not the man to recoil from it … but it is madness to think that you can succeed …

Men come and they go and they trot and they dance and never a word about death. All well and good, yet when death does come – to them, their wives, their children, their friends, catching them unawares and unprepared, then what storms of passion overwhelm them, what cries, what fury, what despair!…….

To begin depriving death of its greatest advantage over us, let us adopt a way clean contrary to that common one. Let us deprive death of its strangeness, let us frequent it, let us get used to it, let us have nothing more often in mind than death … we do not know where death awaits us so let us wait for it everywhere. To practice death is to practice freedom … a man who has learned how to die has unlearned how to be a slave.”

It describes for us a way to die well and to live well.

This is a way of approaching death that is clean, contrary – as Montaigne says – to the common one. What is the common approach towards death in almost all western societies?

We ignore this fact altogether. We fill our lives with work, activities, goals, and socializing. The most important decision that we may call ourselves to make is where to go on our next vacation. We cannot bear to spend even a moment alone with ourselves; we switch on the TV, reach for a book or the telephone, we keep ourselves busy at all times.

Isn’t this a sort of running away from ourselves, a way of avoiding meeting ourselves?

This meditation forces us to face ourselves. All of us are completely alone when we die, no friends, no business associates, no credit cards, no money, no family – nobody but ourselves. If we face ourselves when we live, we will have a more true foundation on which base our lives than the one that we have now.

The Buddha’s Thoughts On Meditating On Death

Of all footprints

That of the elephant is supreme,

Of all mindfulness meditations,

That on death is supreme.

This meditation brings us face to face with the facts that nothing at all matters ultimately. All that we care for, everything we cherish, we will have to give it all up one day when we die.

There is no lasting peace or happiness in this world, nothing that will not be snatched away from us, and we begin to take our lives, our desire and attachments and he needs of the ego less seriously. Why get an ulcer over it? It will not be with us forever.

This, therefore is another of the quotes about death that can teach us how to live and die.

After some months of meditation it very naturally occurred to me that my body, my mind and intellect, my ego in short will die one day. It seems not a very dramatic insight – it seems to be something that I should have realized when I was 5 years old. Maybe I had understood this concept when I was 5 years old – I do not remember. But then I had not made it a part of my life. The concept of my own death was not real to me as it is now. Now I began to make it a part of my day to day thinking.

Nothing can prevent death so I might as well stop taking thoughts about my own welfare so seriously. A lot of our thinking – my thinking anyway – is obsessive almost. It is geared to help us preserve ourselves, to get what we want.

When we really impress on ourselves that nothing can stop is from dying, when the thought of our own death becomes real to us, then this obsessive non-stop clutter of thought quiets down. We find it easier to accept ourselves, to accept the world, to accept our lives with all its imperfections and disappointments.

I can tell you that making the concept of impermanence (which includes death) a part of my life I have found is easier to:

1) Stop condemning myself.

2) Let go of attachments and possessions and the habit of grasping. Sogyal Rinpoche compares our trying to make our lives ultra comfortable as trying to decorate a hotel room that we are passing through.

3) Easier to live with disappointments in life. When I myself will not be there one day then who will remain to be disappointed.

4) Accept and forgive others and let go of grudges.

5) Stop worrying. Why stress ourselves when we have to give everything up ultimately?

6) Dis-identify from my thoughts and feelings, to observe them without reacting, to surrender to them.

All these changes have taken place in a short period of 6 months. As I have written elsewhere on this site, it is like coming awake from a dream.

Sogyal Rinpoche has written a classic book on life, death and dying. Some of the material which follows are my comments on the material in his book. The name of the book is The Tibetan Book on Living and Dying.

Sogyal Rinpoche speaks of the transformation that takes place in us when we embrace changes and impermanence and learn to let go. Just as rocks on the sea shore are not destroyed by the waves but only sculpted into beautiful shapes, so also by going through life with the understanding of death and impermanence we evolve and change.

Sogyal Rinpoche speaks of the strong goodness that arises in us, a sense of unshaken confidence in ourselves so that goodness and compassing begin naturally to radiate to others and bring joy to them.

I can testify that my own confidence and composure have grown since I started meditating.  I am sharing whatever humble insights I have gained through that practice with you through the writings on this site.

Sogyal also speaks of the fear of death as a dragon which guards the greatest treasure from us. The treasure is our own eternal and unending nature of mind. This is what is spoken of by the Hindus as the Brahman, by the Buddhists as Nirvana and by the Christians as God.

Sogyal does not claim to have experienced this nature of mind himself but his tradition has taught him about many saints and mystics who have approached it. He speaks of the Tibetan saint Milarepa:

In horror of death I took to the mountains,

Again and again I meditated on the Uncertainty of the hour of death,

Capturing the fastness of the deathless unending Nature of mind,

Now all fear of death is over and done.

This explains the stress that the Buddhists place on this meditation. It explains why new monks are sent to a cemetery. Facing this fear is something that all of us will have to do sooner or later.

If we do it when we are strong and healthy it will helps is to grow personally and spiritually and make our passing easier when it comes.

So here on this page you have three quotes on death that teach us not only how to die but also how to live. Do not underestimate the power of these death quotes. They can literally and quickly transform your life for the better.

I highly recommend Tibetan Book on Living and Dying. Read it and meditate on its insights. You will definitely see a transformation in your self.

It you are like me then you have resolved many things and started many projects without following through on them. This is a habit that most of us get into. We decide to quit smoking or swearing or to get up one hour earlier in the morning and go to the gym. But sooner rather than later our determination flags. We lapse back into our old habits and put off these goals for some future date.

The habit of following through on our decisions, being true to our resolve and making them work is perhaps the quality that is prized most in our day and age. People respect the person who resolves to do something and then makes it happen. It is a habit that will help you in your career and in your personal life. You will be more respected by people.

In general people do not respect a person very much who is weak – no matter what his other qualities may be. If you are not able to consistently produce results, others will find it difficult to trust you and you will not believe yourself to be deserving of success of any kind.

It goes without saying that you will not achieve your goals or succeed in your projects unless you form this habit. These are the benefits of building resolve.

The picture I have of a resolute person is summarized by Rudyard Kipling in his immortal poem – If:

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream – and not make dreams your master;
If you can think – and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build ‘em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on”;

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings – nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And – which is more – you’ll be a Man my son!

Normally when we think of a person with resolve or if we picture ourselves as acting with determination we think of a person with gritted teeth who is determined to succeed and have his way no matter what.  However such a person is I think mostly driven by fear or greed or at the very least by the ego, You may succeed if you have this attitude but it is tense and strenuous and you will not enjoy the journey very much. And for most of us, maintaining this attitude and this amount of tension is not something that we can do habitually.

How then are we to build resolve?

In Hindu mythology we picture the Universe to be God’s Lila. God created this world and he keeps it in motion almost light heartedly without effort of any kind. There is no attitude life of “I must have my way.” And if we believe in the Divinity within us it should be possible for us also to run our lives in the same way – without effort, almost light heartedly, able to take both triumph and disaster with the same unmoved spirit. This is my conception of resolve.

This state of mind can be attained and made habitual through eastern philosophy. I would recommend that you take up good meditation practice seriously.

The state of mind or the insight that I am aiming for through meditation is that our body, mind and intellect that we consider to be ourselves is not really our true selves. Also the body–mind–intellect or the BMI that we so identity ourselves with is changing all the time and is impermanent.

Our bodies are not the some as they were 20 years, back. Nor are our minds. They are processes that change from moment to moment. Buddhist philosophy assures us that nowhere in the BMI is there to be found a fixed unchanging self. This is the Buddhist concept of egolessness and is one of the main concepts of Buddhism.

So if we learn to dis-identify from the BMI we can gain an insight that can totally transform our lives. Specifically in this case, to form the habit of resolve – we must learn to dis-identity from the mind . The mind with its hopes and fears and habitual responses to situations, both internal and external keeps us imprisoned in our habits and way of life and we cannot break free of them. Whereas if we could simply observe them it would help to build resolve.

Let me describe the state of mind or the insight that sometimes comes to me as a result of meditation. Since the BMI is impermanent and is not the true self I do not need to take the antics of the mind seriously. I can simply observe it without reacting.

Since there is nothing that I can do to preserve the BMI beyond its allotted lifespan I do not need to change my mind in any way. I can surrender to the thoughts and feelings that arise without reacting to them, and with a feeling of equanimity and well being. I can simply witness them without being disturbed. This habit goes a long way in building resolve.

This means that I need not take my fears or complexes of the mind seriously. I can just watch my thoughts float by as they will without bothering with them. Osho Rajneesh says that we should set into the habit of observing the antics of the mind with indifference. I sometimes find myself doing so and I hope to progress further in my practice.

How does this help in being resolute? Well suppose you have made a financial plan and are worried about whether you can make it work. You need not take your doubts and fears seriously. You can simply witness them without reacting and they will pass.

Suppose you develop a craving to splurge on something that you know does not fit in with your financial plan. You need not give in to the craving. Simply witness it, dis-identity and it will pass.

This applies to any and all resolutions that you choose to make. Suppose you resolve to quit smoking. You are doubtful whether you will succeed. You remember the many failed attempts in the past. You fear the withdrawal symptoms and wonder whether you will be able to enjoy life without cigarettes.

All of these are habitual responses of the mind. This is the mind working overtime and in a way that does not benefit you. But if you have the habit of witnessing without reacting you need not take any of this seriously. Simply surrender to these thoughts, observe them with indifference and they will pass.

Meditation stresses knowledge of impermanence. If you develop some understanding of impermanence you will certainly travel some way to being able to meet with triumph and disaster and treat those to imposters just the same. It will help you dis-identify and witness the antics of the mind.  This will help to build resolve.

But the important thing is the habit of witnessing. Just about any meditation practice will help you to form this habit. The important thing is to take up the practice and be regular.

In forming the habit of the observing your thoughts and feelings, remember the following :

1. Observe without reacting – This is what is taught in various forms of meditation and it has many uses from moment to moment in our lives.

2. Surrender to the antics of the mind – In the Bible it is said, “Lord, let your will and not mine be done.” We need some of this attitude of surrender when we are observing the mind and doing our meditation practice.

3. Do not turn yourself into a battlefield. All that happens both within and without you is – if you like – a manifestation of God. In observing our internal state we are not working to change them. We are not reacting with our likes and dislikes. We are simply observing. This is the way to grow spiritually and transform yourself.

So take up regular meditation practice.   By a making the effort to meditate regularly our willpower will benefit as a result.

To defuse anger straightforward non-hostile, calm and loving communication is vital if we are to be at peace with ourselves and spread happiness into the world. It is also vital to all important relationships, especially within the family.

It should be obvious that we will not know what the other person is thinking and feeling unless we communicate. Nor will the other person know what our views and feelings are. Lack of communication leads to misunderstandings and in chronic cases can lead to long-term grudges and resentment, which can be very difficult to deal with.

I speak from experience about this topic but not because I am a good communicator myself. Rather I have seen the damage lack of communication can do to a relationship and what pain and misery can result.

As a boy, I had very poor relationships both within and outside the family. Much of this as caused by the fact that my parents simply did not communicate with me. Communication requires a certain atmosphere. It requires you to be calm and centered before your children can be encouraged enough to come and talk to you.

It requires you to take the initiative yourself to ask what is the problem with your child. If you have issues within you that you have not dealt with and the atmosphere in the home is not good them you cannot reasonably expect to have a good communication within the family.  Very little can harm your happiness and peace of mind as much as a bad family life.

Communication requires you to be calm, straight-forward, and non-hostile, even if you cannot be loving. You may need to learn the art of communicating. Be straight-forward and do not use hostile language or indirect put downs. The goal is to not only let the person know your needs and feelings and wants but to encourage him or her to open up to you as well.

If you cannot manage to talk things over with the person with whom you have a dispute then write him a letter. Do not write when you are feeling angry. Use mindfulness to calm yourself and be balanced and then sit down and write. Take your time with this letter. It may be vital to your happiness and your relationship.

You can also show the letter to a close friend or elder in the family whose judgment you trust and respect. And then send the letter email or fax, but remember, be calm straightforward and non-hostile.

It is important to communicate in this manner as early as possible when a dispute arises. This will prevent misunderstanding and resentments from growing or festering. Remember you have the right to be angry but only for 24 hours. After 24 hours sit down and communicate.

You may find this difficult to do if you have not learned communication from your parents in a healthy family atmosphere or when you have to reverse a life long habit of keeping things to yourself. But it is a simple choice. It you want to maintain the relationship you have to share and communicate your feelings and point of view to your loved one. Otherwsie be prepared to have the relationship become poisonous.

It is a simple concept to understand that you can never know what another person is thinking or feeling unless you ask him or her. Nor can that other person know what you are thinking and feeling.

“Humanity and justice are the principles on which to govern a state.” – Sun Tzu The Art of War

Sun Tzu’s manual on The Art of War is a piece of inspired wisdom and there is no more important an insight that this, the above short sentence. This book was meant for warriors and rulers of a state but we can also use his insights to guide our personal relationships.

To govern with humanity and justice demands that we should not be dominated by our passions like anger, hate or the like. It demands that we learn how to deal with these aspects of ourselves. We need to use skillful means in tackling strong feelings both in ourselves and in others with whom we have close relationships.

But at the same time I would want to stress that we should not make a battlefield of ourselves. We should not look upon anger as something undesirable that we must fight or suppress or do away with. That is not using skillful means.

I stress again – do not suppress, do not repress simply witness your anger mindfully. Be one with it – it is a part of you, just as your arm or your leg is a part of you. It is an energy that can be transformed and used for our benefit and the benefit of others.

We need to reclaim our anger if we had been in the habit of repressing. We would not try to chop off our heads if we had a headache. We try to cure it. Use mindfulness to transform your anger and watch your relationships blossom.