Transforming anger - advice from an enlightened Master

In an earlier article about transforming anger I had mentioned Thich Nhat Hanh's method of mindfully taking care of and transforming anger by caring for it the way we would care for a distressed child or baby. In this article I want to explain further how this method can bring us immeasurable benefits in our relationships with others, with our family and with ourselves.

We know that all things in the Universe including our feelings are impermanent. If we are feeling angry now we need to remember that this is just a feeling and will pass in time. This is an important point to remember while transforming anger.

It is natural when we are feeling angry to tend to lash out at others whom we are angry with. But anger is a seed that we carry in ourselves. This seed is the primary cause of our anger and other people and external circumstances are only a secondary cause.

The moment we feel angry and distressed, we need to mindfully take care of our anger. Drop everything else and be mindful. Practice awareness of the in breath and the out breath while at the same time being in touch with the feeling of anger. We can also practice walking meditation using the method described in the previous article.

You may not find it practical to drop everything and practice mindfulness when we are feeling angry. But it is important because anger, left to itself and uncared for, can harm us immeasurably. If we lash out at others when we are angry we harm our relationships – whether within the family, our social circle or at the workplace. Inevitably the anger we express will rebound on us at a future date.

Make it a point then, that even if you cannot be by yourself when you are angry, that you do not react or lash out at others. Sit on your anger for 24 hours before you react. The first chance you get to be alone, mindfully practice taking care of your anger. This can help us in transforming anger.

At the end of the 24 hours if you still need to, you can express your feelings of anger and distress to the person who has hurt you. But try to do so in a calm and detached manner as far as possible.

George Gurdieff – the Armenian mystic – said that he was given just this lesson by his dying father. His father – then on his deathbed – told young Gurdieff that he had just one treasure to pass on to his son, and it was this advice. If any person harms or hurts you in any way do not react immediately. Always wait for 24 hours before reacting. Gurdieff later said that this simple piece of advice was perhaps the most valuable lesson that he had ever learned. He said that when someone said something to hurt him he would tell that person that he would respond in 24 hours. During that time he would examine the charges made against him. He would find that either the charges were true or they were not. If the charges were true then he would go up to the other person and express his gratitude for having done him a service. And if the charges were not true then, Gurdieff said, it was simply not worth his while to respond to them in any way.

As I said earlier, according to Gurdieff, this was the most valuable lesson that he had learned in his life. And Gurdieff was no ordinary person. He has been described by Osho Rajneesh as one of the most enlightened masters of the 20th century.

Thich Nhat Hanh, in his book – Anger - Buddhist wisdom for cooling the flames – describes this and many other insightful methods of dealing with and transforming anger.

According to him mindfulness can also help us to heal the wounded child within us. Many of us do not feel that we have had an ideal or even a happy childhood and adolescence. We may be carrying feelings of anger and resentment towards our parents. If we are not mindful we can easily transmit these wounds to our children and others that we are responsible for.

By mindfully caring for the wounded child within us we can heal ourselves and thus be happy and peaceful. Thus we can do our bit to make this world a happier place. By transforming anger we will be happy and can share that happiness with others.

To learn this and many other insights, please pick up a copy of Thich Nhat Hanh's book on Anger by clicking on the link above.

I hope you enjoyed this article and that it will be useful to you.

Stay tuned for more articles in this continuing series.

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